Just Listen! Don’t Fix Me!

In season four, Episode 8, “Follow the Anger,” of Ted Lasso on Apple TV, Ted encounters Coach Alice, who is deeply upset, which reminds me of Dan Rather’s interview with Mother Teresa.

Rather asked Mother Teresa, “When you pray, what do you say to God?”
Mother Teresa replied: “I don’t say anything, I listen.”
Rather: “Well, okay … when God speaks to you, then, what does he say?”
Mother Teresa: “He doesn’t say anything. He listens. … And if you don’t understand that, I can’t explain it to you.”

Silence, stillness, quietude, tranquility, and taciturnity aren’t enemies of action or productivity; they teach us how to use space to sit with our emotions, grief, pain, and anxiety. These states of being reveal presence, not absence. They ground us in the recognition that we are part of something bigger and greater, an ocean in a drop of water.

Ponder Psalm 46:10: “Be still and know I am God.” Stillness is a practice of letting go and recognizing what you can control, beginning with your breath. Here, truth and healing dwell.

What Ted gave Alice was sustaining grace. He gave her comfort, blessing, and goodness amid a struggle and suffering she didn’t ask for. Ted showed humility and gratitude. The silence between them spoke more than words could. A deeper bond was forged between them in a thin place where heaven and earth meet.

If you had a friend, cohort, or family member who received unwanted news, rejection, dismissal, death notice, or estrangement, how would they experience you? Would you try to “fix” them? Would you offer advice? Would you say something like, “Time heals all things.” “They are in a better place.” “When one door closes, another one opens.” “They don’t deserve you.”

If you were in their position, how would this advice make you feel? Could you be like Ted Lasso, sit with the person, take a few deep breaths, and hold the space as sacred ground?

Consider a bit of wisdom my Grandmother left me: “The best talkers are the best listeners.”

By the way, there is crying in football and in any hard situation. Let the tears flow.