Burnout + Conflict + Not Feeling Valued = Quiet Quitting?

Quiet Quitting: the practice of doing the minimum amount of work required for one’s job. – Merriam-Webster

Quiet quitting became a term in 2022 to describe employees who met job requirements and quit going beyond those requirements. They are graded as “C” employees.

I have gained insight on this topic from coaching clients. Quiet quitting is about unspoken boundaries, a lack of feeling valued, dissatisfaction, resentment, and burnout. I have learned quiet quitting is subtle, masked, inconspicuous, and even cunning. Quiet quitting includes not speaking up in meetings or gatherings, not offering opinions, or not volunteering for things like United Way campaigns. Quiet quitters took more personal days. In the 2026 Gallup State of the Global Workplace, employee engagement fell to 20%. This may offer evidence of quiet quitting.

Last fall, Monica Corcoran Harel wrote the article for New York Magazine’s The Cut, “The Women Quietly Quitting Their Husbands.” I read it, pondered it, and discussed it with my partner of 46 years. The Oprah Podcast recently revisited this article with two therapists who specialize in relationships, along with an audience of women who identified with quitting their husbands.

Frustration over unequal household work, poor child support, feeling unappreciated and shortchanged contributes to quiet quitting in a marriage. There was a failure to have hard, difficult conversations about feelings, needs, and wants. Women remain in the marriage to avoid the stress and strain of finances and raising children. They choose to live separate and autonomous lives while staying under one roof.

John and Julie Gottman, marriage and relationship subject-matter experts, can tell within a very short time of interviewing a couple whether the marriage has quiet quitting and is doomed to failure if they see the “four horsemen”: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. I believe the “four horsemen” show up in quiet quitting at work, with family, and with friends.

Mel Robbins, in her bestseller, The Let Them Theory, offers insight into quiet quitting. Her three pillars of connection include physical closeness and shared routines. When these change, quiet quitting may occur. Life stages are another pillar of disconnect in our relationships. Those with children versus empty nesters create disconnection and quiet quitting. The third pillar of disconnection and quiet quitting is the lack of feelings and numbness toward others. Robbins promotes: Let me accept people for who they are. Robbins suggests: Don’t take the drift, flake, or exclusion personally. Give up trying to control them, stop chasing them, and stop trying to imitate connection. Quiet-quit them!

While relationships of all kinds with different people, including family, friends, neighbors, clients, and cohorts, are a gift, I am guilty of quiet quitting. I quiet-quit for my personal well-being.

I have quiet-quit relationships with those whose core values do not align with mine. Being Christian Nationalists, racist, misogynistic, unjust, and homophobic, bring on quiet quitting.

I have quiet-quit relationships where I no longer trusted the individual. I no longer experienced the trust components of sincerity, reliability, competence, and/or compassion.

I have quiet-quit a relationship where I hurt an individual, expressed my apology stating the facts of the situation, why I had acted the way I had (I did not justify my behavior), how I felt their pain I caused, and how I was changing my behavior so I did not do this again. Their response was that they felt my apology was made-up, rehearsed, insincere, and not from the heart.

I have quiet-quit relationships where the individual was focused on being interesting rather than interested. They dominated the conversation. Actually, the conversations were more like a monologue rather than a dialogue. Ego prevailed, and humility was thin.

I have quiet-quit relationships with poor or no reciprocity. A failure of a mutual give-and-take exchange. I was part of a group where I realized I was doing a majority of the work in getting us together. Except for one person, others did not reciprocate.

I have quiet-quit relationships marked by a lack of emotional intelligence, including poor self-awareness, poor self-management, a lack of empathy for others’ feelings, a focus on success rather than significance, and a disregard for relationship management.

How about you? Where and who have quiet-quit? Do you want to quiet-quit me?