What If We All Practiced Kintsugi?
The story of kintsugi (golden repair)—this style of pottery—may be the most perfect embodiment of all our trauma-shattered lives… Instead of throwing away the broken beloved pottery, we’ll fix it in a way that doesn’t pretend it hasn’t been broken but honors the breaking—and more so, the surviving—by highlighting those repaired seams with gold lacquer. Now the object is functional once again and dignified, not discarded. It’s stronger and even more valuable because of its reinforced, golden scars. – Jay Wolf, Suffer Strong
We all get broken in some way in our lives. Brokenness is part of the human experience. Vienna Pharaon, in The Origins of You: How Breaking Family Patterns Can Liberate the Way We Live and Love, writes about the five origin wounds: worthless wound, belonging wound, prioritization wound, trust wound, and safety wound. (Take the quiz to discover your origin wound.) Understanding your wound and managing your wound reveals a pattern, perhaps a habit, and your relation to that wound.
We can choose how to handle our wounds and brokenness. Pretending the brokenness is not there is unhealthy. It feeds our shadow self.
I experienced a lot of grief and brokenness after Hurricane Helene devastated Western North Carolina and our 2024 political election. I found an article about how practicing Kintsugi was a pathway to healing, and started practicing it. I get Kintsugi pieces from the Asheville Habitat ReStore.
The Kintsugi practice has retaught me patience, mindfulness, focus, pondering, and wonder! It has reminded me to stay curious. It has also given me joy and hope. Kintsugi is about embracing our healing and finding the “gold” in our wounds and brokenness so that we can use that “gold” to aid the healing of the world around us.
Kintsugii has also made me aware of the shadow self – the repressed things about myself that I do not want others to perceive. By protecting a chosen persona, we create a life of delusion. Kintsugi invites breaking open the shadow self. You have to become vulnerable and humble.
The world breaks everyone, then some become strong at the broken places. ~Ernest Hemingway
A couple of things I practice in the ritual of breaking and repairing a piece of pottery…
I look at the piece of pottery and try to imagine the shadow self – how it was made and by whom. Why was it made? Who purchased it? Why? What did they use the piece for? How long did they own it? Was it passed down to others? How many hands touched this piece of pottery? Did the pottery bring joy? Did it have a special meaning? Why was it donated to Asheville Habitat ReStore?
Before I break it, I bless the piece: “Let the actions of my hands, mind, and heart be acceptable, help heal the wound I am about to inflict, and find the beauty in the broken.”
As I am repairing, I think about what I need to do to heal my wounds, fix my brokenness, and reflect on the worthiness of brokenness. How is my shadow self revealing itself to me? Like the scars and tattoos on our bodies, our wounds and brokenness are treasure maps of stories of our lives. Our wounds and brokenness offer strength and wisdom to become better versions of ourselves.
After the piece is finished, I hold it in gratitude and think about whom I can give it to! I’ve probably broken, repaired, and given away over 50 pieces, and I have about a dozen pieces to break and repair at my table!
What if we find the “gold” in our wounds and brokenness and use that “gold” to aid the healing of the world around us? What if we treated one another, especially those we disagree with, whose opinions and beliefs differ from ours, like pieces of kintsugi, broken, but worthy? What if we helped one another to repair each other’s brokenness by being there for one another, suspending judgment, and being curious?
I challenge you to examine your brokenness. Find your worthiness in your brokenness and use it to help others with their brokenness. Become fully functional once again and dignified, not discarded. Becomes more substantial and more valuable because of your reinforced golden scars.
